awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
