Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
