I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
