Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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