i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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