Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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