i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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