i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize