were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
