the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
