Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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