He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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