Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
