everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
