My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
