We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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