wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
