After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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