I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize