Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
