if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
