6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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