He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
