when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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