Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
