I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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