i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
