dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
