He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
