Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
