I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
