I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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