Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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