We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
