first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
