I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
