thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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