After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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