Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
