He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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