so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
