Got a toothbrush?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
