Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
