You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
