i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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