I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
