yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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