Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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