Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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