The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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