I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
