It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
