party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
