My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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