She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize