his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
