batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize