I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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