My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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