i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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