But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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