Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I need a beard to bite.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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