Where did you get a picture of my penis
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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