there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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