I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Holy shit dude........stairs
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
