i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
