i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
