my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
