I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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