Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize