bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
