In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
